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Sunday, 5 May 2013
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1. It's more a pint of bitter than a Peach Bellini.
2. It's just easier to put stuff off once we've got this calendar, whereas if we didn't have a date you'd have to do everything straight away.
3. By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.
4. I walk into a supermarket and see a 3 for 1. First off, I wonder what's wrong with it? Then I check the sell by date.
5. I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.
6. It was like me having to clap burglars into my own home.
7. I still can't work out what happened. It's either an accident, a big accident, or a jail sentence.
8. I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'.
9. You can't describe it as being a nice feeling. It's like an out of body experience.
10. It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep.
11. If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?
12. You build up to it, don't you? You have that bit of a chat, and you go "alright? Hows it going?". You get on and that and then a little baby pops out.
13. One thing you're guaranteed to hear when you come to Italy: 'Awww, this pasta is fantastic.' Really? No different than spaghetti hoops in a tin for me.
14. You can't go out in London and buy a steak and it's the same as a deposit on a small house in Bury!
15. We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about.
16. It's a circus, and every time I've been to a circus, I always see some clowns, and he is one.
17. You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge.
18. You can eat three sausage butties, but the third one won't taste as good as the first.
19. It's like a sausage machine that just churns out more mincemeat rather than sausages.
20. The best way to catch a tiger is not always to shout at it.
21. If your brain was in your foot it would take you ages to say anything.
22. The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.'
23. Two wrongs don't make a right. He got the first one wrong... And he got the second one wrong... He got them both wrong.
24. He got hot, he got so hot his lips fell off.
25. We've gone too far. 20 years ago you put milk into your coffee and it was a milky coffee. It wasn't a latte or a frappuccino.
26. They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?
27. You won't get anything done by planning.
28. Look at his eyes. He stares at him for 5-6 seconds. It's not because he fancies him, believe me.
29. Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.
30. The country is changing. 20 years ago bread got brought into a restaurant with a lump of butter. Now you get olives, oil, and vinegar.