Open mic comedians - where are they now? The boys

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #56
On Friday I posted on the two-year anniversary of the day I first ever took to the stand-up comedy stage. After that little trip down memory lane, I started to wonder about all funny people I had met along the way and what might have happened to them.

Well, the internet is a  wonderful tool and here is what I found out about the boys who I used to see on the open mic stand-up comedy circuit (click here for the girls).

Golden Jester 2011 winner: Vahid Jahangard
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I had not seen Vahid before I saw him in the Golden Jester comedy competition, but after doing a bit of research I found out at the Middle Eastern comic from Oxfordshire has actually been on the circuit since 2008. He was often described as: "Provides good solid humour with a down to earth attitude. A smart & silly sophisticated comic.”

This video clip was taken back in 2008, and after seeing his act in December in the Golden Jester final, you can now see that he had been on the circuit for a few years and had his act polished and down to a fine art. I couldn't find too much else about Vahid other than he is a 'hotly-tipped rising star' and has been working professional gigs at the Great Comedy Nights events and has been headlining a few gigs.


The giant comedian: Darren Walsh
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Darren was one of the most original comedians I saw on the open mic circuit. The guy is super talented combing his time as an actor, director, writer, animator, voice artist, and of course, comedian. He was in the final of the Golden Jester comedy competition in 2011, when I finished as runner-up. Chortle describe him as “A real crowd-pleaser, with originality and personality by the bucketload.”

A runner-up in the Laughing Horse New Act of the Year, Darren Walsh's silly happy-go-lucky style has been compared to Harry Hill, with an act that combines surreal nonsense and snippets of daft songs.


The one to watch in 2012: James Alderson
Another one of my co-finalists from the Golden Jester, James was a comedian a liked as soon as I saw him. He only took up stand-up in 2011, but he rocketed his way up the comedy charts and continues to go from strength to strength. James has moved from frequent opening spots and MC work to headlining many clubs.

James has been described by many as an ‘everyman comedian’ – women laugh at his observations and self-deprecating style, and men laugh with him, feeling his frustrations and understanding his experiences. This relationship with an audience means he is a very skilled compere as well as a popular act. James is currently filming with Objective Productions (of Peep Show & The Cube fame!) playing a major role in a brand new show called Public Eye, planned to air on Channel 4 in the Winter of 2012/2013.

The super-talented: Dan Schreiber
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Dan Schreiber is a man of many talents. Writer, producer, presenter and most notably a funny man. Dan was brought up in Hong Kong and Australia before moving to England, where at just 19 he became a question writer for the BBC TV series QI.

Dan has since jumped straight into a career with the cream of British entertainment. I saw Dan do a gig at The Old School Yard and he was head and shoulders above everyone that night, and despite that was the only time I had seen him, he was probably my favourite open mic comedian that I had the pleasure to watch on the circuit. It is no surprise to me that he is doing well.

Where have you seen this guy before...?: Steven Scaffardi
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So this is a little bit of shameless self-promotion, but this is my blog after all! Besides, I feel that I've done alright in the last 12 months. Reviews for my lad lit The Drought continue to get fantastic reviews from readers, and I am currently working on my second novel which I'm hoping to have out early 2013.

And after taking this little trip down memory lane, and finding out how well some of the guys I used to see on the open mic circuit are doing, I kind of that bug again to get back on the stand-up comedy bandwagon. Maybe I'll try to get one or two gigs in before the end of the year, and then in 2013, who knows...?

Open mic comedians - where are they now? The girls

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #55
Yesterday I posted on the two-year anniversary of the day I first ever took to the stand-up comedy stage. After that little trip down memory lane, I started to wonder about all funny people I had met along the way and what might have happened to them.

Well, the internet is a  wonderful tool and here is what I found out about the girls who I used to see on the open mic stand-up comedy circuit (click here for the boys).

The girl who got me into comedy: Gemma Beagley
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Gemma Beagley was one of the main reasons I decided to give stand-up comedy a go. I had actually known Gemma since we were at school, and she had been performing stand-up comedy for about a 18 months before I first gave it a go. "It is the best hobby in the world," were Gemma's exact words when I asked her what stand-up comedy was like, and that was enough to convince me to get up on that stage and die a slow and painful death...!

I'm pleased to report that Gemma is still going strong. She still hosts Comedy Virgins at the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell, and over the last 12 months she has been in the final of Funny's Funny Female Comedian of the Year, as well as a show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where she blogged about her experiences.

The shy, but very funny girl: Harriet Kemsley
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Harriet Kemsley is fast on her way to becoming a very big name on the comedy circuit. I was lucky enough to see Harriet a few times on the open mic scene. At a Comedy Bin gig at The Carnivale in Whitechapel, I had a chat with her, and couldn't believe how this shy and softly spoken person could be so outrageously funny. In her first year of comedy she was crowned Funny's Funny Female Comedian of the Year 2011, as well as picking up the Up The Creek One To Watch 2011 gong and was a finalist in the Reading New Act of the Year.

And 2012 has been just as good as Harriet was the winner of the Bath New Act of the Year, Brighton New Act of the Year, and was a finalist in the Laughing Horse New Act of the Year. The praise and plaudits have come from the likes of Chortle and talent agency Sternberg Clarke, with comedian Rhod Gilbert naming her as one of his top ten comics to see in 2012. She is now writing and working on a pilot for the BBC - watch this space!

The lads mag model: Naomi Hefter
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I only met Naomi a couple of times, but she was certainly not the type of girl you failed to notice, especially when she wandered into a dingy open mic comedy venue in her stiletto's and that long mane of blonde hair. She was also pretty easy on the eye it has to be said, which she has certainly played to her advantage having done a photo shoot for lads mag Loaded earlier in the year. And that's not it -Naomi has been a busy girl this year. She went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and put on a show with her comedy partner Catherine Povinelli (who I never met), has been blogging on the Huffington Post, and has also got a TV presenting gig.

On the comedy circuit, Naomi made it through to the final of Jongleurs Comic Idol 2012, which got her exposure in The Sun newspaper, which is further proof that the Hungarian is on track to become a comedy star.

The catwalk model and TV presenter: Michelle de Swarte
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Feisty, fierce, and feckin' beautiful! Unknown to me at the time when I first met Michelle at an East Meets Jest comedy gig in Covent Garden was that she was already carving out a TV career for herself, having presented The Fasion Show in 2008 alongside George Lamb and Abbey Clancy.

In 2011, she co-created and hosted E4’s satirical celeb roast Dirty Digest, and then presented for eight hours straight alongside Tom Deacon when the BBC filmed the UK’s first ever 24-hour panel show for Comic Relief entitled Panel People, hosted by David Walliams, and was streamed live around the world. More recently she has been working alongside Jake Humpheries on the BBC3 current affairs debate show Free Speech. This year Michelle made her debut at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

The Essex Girl: Hannah Deasy
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Okay, okay - before you say anything, I know you might be noticing something of a pattern here with the girls I am choosing, but I can assure you I am picking these girls based on my ears, rather than any of the other senses that might be going through your filthy minds! I saw Hannah perform open mic comedy lots of times, but perhaps the funniest was when I saw her take to the stage at The Railway after a pretty heavy drinking session, and she brought the house down. Granted, then I think she fell down flat on her face, but she got the job done first!

Perhaps her Bowled Over comedy CV describes her best: "Often seen clutching a pint in one hand and a mic in the other, this is when she is at her most dangerous, and should not be approached." Hannah has been busy working with comedy partner Michael Kossew, and has also taken a couple of shows to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, including Gagstronomic! with Mark Jeary and Gemma Beagley.

Diary of a stand-up comedian... two years on

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #54
Today is the two-year anniversary of the first time I ever performed stand-up comedy. I actually still have a pretty good memory of the night, which is quite an accomplishment for me seeing as I have the memory like a sieve!

I recently read Michael McIntyre's autobiography and he said when he first did stand-up comedy he didn't tell anyone as he was too afraid that he would be terrible and make a fool of himself.

I went for a slightly different approach in that I invited pretty much everyone I knew, including a few random people as well. Looking back at that video clip, and a good few clips after that one, I cringe at how bad I actually was! It's funny, in an ironic way, how funny I thought I was that night!

It has been about three months now since I last performed on the open mic stage (and I have only performed twice this year) and I contemplated today whether I really missed it.

I have to say that I don't miss hanging around after work to trek halfway across London to perform in a rundown pub, normally in front of about five people! I don't miss getting in at midnight, going to bed, working a full day, and then having to head back out to yet another comedy venue, watching the same routines from comedians I have already seen about 14 times in the last two weeks!

But despite all of that, there is one thing that overrides all of that. Because on those magical nights when everything clicks into place, and on those occasions when you had a room packed out full of people ready to laugh, there is nothing like that buzz you get from having a great set.

And in a way I miss the people. All of those crazy, strange, weird, and sometimes downright unhinged people! Even those characters who were a bit full of themselves, or the bitter comedians who hadn't quite made it and were still dragging themselves around the open mic scene waiting for that big break. Another ironic fact about stand-up comedy is that at least 50% of the comedians I met were bloody miserable, and you would be surprised how much back-stabbing goes on. It was a bit like an episode of EastEnders at times...

When you think about it, there has to be something not quite right with you in the head if you are willing to get up and perform on the most unforgiving stage of them all. Each and everyone of the characters I met along the way were certainly interesting to say the least!

I can't help but wonder how some of those guys are getting on, so I did a bit of research to find out, and you can have a look at that blog posting here. 

As for me, I would love to get back up on the stage and give it a go again, but I certainly couldn't go back to three, four, five gigs a week. Still, I think I'll always look back and be proud that I did it and for what I achieved. Not many people are brave enough to get up and try stand-up comedy, and after 50+ gigs, I know I gave it a good shot and had some great times.

I'll also always be very proud that I got through 150 other acts to make it to the final of the Golden Jester comedy competition. Sure, I probably had a bit of help due to the fact that the competition took place on my doorstep in Sutton, so I always had the advantage of a decent support behind me, but I also think I wrote a pretty funny set.

But I'll let you be the judge of that. Below is the video clip of me performing at Dirty Dicks in London in October 2011. This was the set that got me into the final of the Golden Jester and I don't mind admitting that I still giggle when I watch it.

Hopefully you will too.

First date advice for men!

This is an official book excerpt from comedy novel The Drought. This taken from Chapter 7: First Date, when our hero Dan is preparing to go on his first date since the break-up with his long-term girlfriend Stacey. Dan is a little nervous and asks his three best friends for advice. To watch a video with advice for how to behave on a first date, then check out "Perfecting the First Date" and watch the video clip!

The Drought, Chapter 7: First Date
This was the first date I’d been on in over three years. After being with one person for so long, it was almost like I had no recollection of the rules of dating.

Luckily though, the boys had been on hand during the course of the week and were kind enough to offer their expertise on first dates, and how to impress a girl.

Where to take her:

Rob: Too many guys take girls to the cinema on a first date, but that is no good. You want to go somewhere where you can talk and get to know each other. You can’t go too wrong with a romantic dinner. But don’t take her to Burger King for crying out loud.

Ollie: There is that new Kung-Fu film on at the cinema. I bet she’d like that. Or even better, take her to a horror because she’ll be all over you. You might even cop a feel in the back row.

Jack: Wherever you go, make sure you arrange to meet somewhere out in the open so you can get a good look at her beforehand. I’m sure Grace is a good-looking girl, but we all had our beer goggles on that night. She could be a right old bow-wow. In which case, ditch her there and then. Give me a call and we’ll go for a beer instead.

Start of the date:

Rob: Make sure you arrive early and compliment her. Tell her how fantastic she looks before you say anything else. Girls love compliments, but don’t go too overboard because they will start to lose their effect, and you’ll come across as a desperado.

Ollie: Get a few shots in; it will help you relax. But don’t have too many, you don’t want to get drunk too early. Seven or eight shots should do the trick. Maybe drink a pint of milk before you go out just to line your stomach. Or maybe a dairy-based alcoholic beverage like Eggnog. That will kill two birds with one stone!

Jack: Don’t play your cards too early – keep a few aces up your sleeve. You don’t want to slip a Manchester United shirt on and call yourself Roy Keane. Girls hate it when guys are too keen. The last thing you want to do is be hanging on her every word and come across too Roy.

During the date:

Rob: Listen to her and ask questions. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation solely on her. Be interested in what she has to say and get to know her. Make her feel like she is the only person in the room that really matters. But don’t stare at her tits though; unless she encourages that sort of thing. If she does – winner!

Ollie: I would advise against farting in front of her. The only time you can really do that is after you have slept with her a few times and then you can trap her head under the covers. She is officially your girlfriend when you get to the stage of forcing her head into the Dutch oven.

Jack: Make sure you crack a few jokes throughout the date. Birds love a guy with a good sense of humour. Say things like, “Want to come back to mine for pizza and sex? Why not? Don’t you like pizza?” She'll be all over you mate, trust me.

The end of the date:

Rob: Some girls don’t kiss on the first date; some will be disappointed if you don’t at least try to kiss her goodnight. There is no easy answer for this one. You’ll have to try and gauge the situation from her body language and go on your gut instinct. Not once have I ever failed to get a goodnight kiss, but this is you we’re talking about.

Ollie: I insist on two things when I go back to a girl’s flat: a cooked breakfast in the morning, and a lift home.

Jack: If she bites it, smack her.

Loaded with such brilliant advice, how could things possibly go wrong?

Lad Lit Book Reviews: In The Shadow of Papillon by Frank Kane

Survival is an eight-letter word that after reading this book, you’ll never feel able to justify using again in a sentence to describe an experience you have gone through. Because after you have read what this man went through, survival was shown to be a whole new meaning to me!

To say I was blown-away after reading this book would not do this unbelievable and frightening story justice. Putting to one side your views on the evils of drugs and those who help bring it into our country, no one should have to experience the tale that Frank Kane somehow lived to tell.

Most men would like to think they could puff out their chests and deal with any situation they are faced with. But I’m not too sure I could deal with five minutes of the horror that is described in this book. Imagine arriving in a strange land and immediately being faced with a group of knife wielding men who are threatening to kill you and your only way to protect yourself is to find your own knife and fight back. We're not talking about a disagreement in the office here! And that is what Frank had to deal with every day while locked up.

Frank doesn’t really go into too much detail of how he lost his business and ended up desperate enough to agree to smuggle cocaine out of Venezuela with his girlfriend, Sam, and neither does he ask for the readers sympathy. But what he does go into detail about is the sheer hell in which he lived for seven years in one of the most violent and brutal penal systems in the world.

The book takes its name and inspiration from the moment Frank arrives at El Dorado prison, better known for being the one-time home of Henri Charrière, or Papillon. From the moment he steps through those prison gates, Frank enters a world where even the prison guards refuse to enter, instead choosing to police the prison from the outside on the perimeter.

What this means is that Frank is housed in an overcrowded population of murderers, rapists, and gang members armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons from machetes to machine guns and even hand grenades.

Some of his accounts are nothing short staggering. Frank tells of the night one of the gang leaders breaks down a wall to enter the cell where he is sleeping and viciously murders another prisoner right in front of Frank’s eyes, who is then forced to remain in the cell for the rest of the night with the corpse out of fear of reprisals should he attempt to even move the body.

This book is totally jaw-dropping from start to finish, and without a doubt the best prison book I’ve ever read. It is not going to be to everyone’s taste, but if you are a fan of the genre (or even a fan of seeing how far the human spirit can be pushed) then I can’t recommend this highly enough.

Promo Trailer for The Drought: The Art of Texting the Ladies!

Stand-up comedian Steven Scaffardi offers up his insight into the art of texting the ladies! We all know that the girls love a bit of sex texting don't we lads - they can't get enough of it! And these girls who we interviewed prove just that... well, sort of! For more laddish fun about a guys point of view on relationships, check out Scaffardi's hilarious debut novel, The Drought! Available now at Amazon and all good bookshops.

Lad Lit Book Reviews: Friends Like These by Danny Wallace

When I grow up, I want to be like Danny Wallace! Because here is a man who has carved out a career for himself still doing all the things you might drunkenly discuss and laugh about whilst in the pub, but would then never actually do when you came to your senses the morning after.

But take a look at Danny Wallace’s back-catalogue of books and you see that not only is he the man that still carries out these immature boy tasks, but he has wrote a whole bunch of books on them. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, he is the Yes Man after all...

But that is another book! Today I am here to review Friends Like These. This was my first Danny Wallace book, and therefore the one that got me hooked on this brilliant genius! Something hit a chord with me when I read the synopsis for this book, because long before the days of Facebook, I too often wondered what those tiny people who I used to share a classroom with were up to these days. Granted they probably weren’t tiny anymore, but surely something else must have happened to them apart from growth!

And that is the concept of Danny’s book. He finds an address book with the names of his childhood friends from yesteryear. And then comes the idea – the classic Wallace idea! Why don’t I try to track these guys down?!

Of course, it is the sort of nonsense that any normal run-of-the-mill-nine-to-five-guy can only daydream about, but Danny has a bit of time on his hands so he goes on the hunt. And it is a hunt that takes him from London to Berlin, Tokyo, Australia, and California! Quite an epic journey you might say. Once Facebook did explode on to our laptops (steady!), I actually picked out eight friends myself from Primary School. My journey would have taken me to Tooting.

Luckily Danny’s journey is a bit more exotic and fun-packed than that, and although you find yourself wondering where this is all going to end up, you do get lost and caught up in it all as Danny’s friends turn out to be rappers and ninjas, time-travelling pioneers, mediocre restaurant managers, and even Fijian royalty!

Perhaps not Danny’s best book, but when you have written some of the gems that this man has, that probably isn’t very surprising. But I thoroughly enjoyed it, and can safely say I would recommend this to anyone – no matter what your taste – if you are just up for some good old fashioned reading fun!