Open mic comedians - where are they now? The girls

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #55
Yesterday I posted on the two-year anniversary of the day I first ever took to the stand-up comedy stage. After that little trip down memory lane, I started to wonder about all funny people I had met along the way and what might have happened to them.

Well, the internet is a  wonderful tool and here is what I found out about the girls who I used to see on the open mic stand-up comedy circuit (click here for the boys).

The girl who got me into comedy: Gemma Beagley
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Gemma Beagley was one of the main reasons I decided to give stand-up comedy a go. I had actually known Gemma since we were at school, and she had been performing stand-up comedy for about a 18 months before I first gave it a go. "It is the best hobby in the world," were Gemma's exact words when I asked her what stand-up comedy was like, and that was enough to convince me to get up on that stage and die a slow and painful death...!

I'm pleased to report that Gemma is still going strong. She still hosts Comedy Virgins at the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell, and over the last 12 months she has been in the final of Funny's Funny Female Comedian of the Year, as well as a show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where she blogged about her experiences.

The shy, but very funny girl: Harriet Kemsley
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Harriet Kemsley is fast on her way to becoming a very big name on the comedy circuit. I was lucky enough to see Harriet a few times on the open mic scene. At a Comedy Bin gig at The Carnivale in Whitechapel, I had a chat with her, and couldn't believe how this shy and softly spoken person could be so outrageously funny. In her first year of comedy she was crowned Funny's Funny Female Comedian of the Year 2011, as well as picking up the Up The Creek One To Watch 2011 gong and was a finalist in the Reading New Act of the Year.

And 2012 has been just as good as Harriet was the winner of the Bath New Act of the Year, Brighton New Act of the Year, and was a finalist in the Laughing Horse New Act of the Year. The praise and plaudits have come from the likes of Chortle and talent agency Sternberg Clarke, with comedian Rhod Gilbert naming her as one of his top ten comics to see in 2012. She is now writing and working on a pilot for the BBC - watch this space!

The lads mag model: Naomi Hefter
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I only met Naomi a couple of times, but she was certainly not the type of girl you failed to notice, especially when she wandered into a dingy open mic comedy venue in her stiletto's and that long mane of blonde hair. She was also pretty easy on the eye it has to be said, which she has certainly played to her advantage having done a photo shoot for lads mag Loaded earlier in the year. And that's not it -Naomi has been a busy girl this year. She went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and put on a show with her comedy partner Catherine Povinelli (who I never met), has been blogging on the Huffington Post, and has also got a TV presenting gig.

On the comedy circuit, Naomi made it through to the final of Jongleurs Comic Idol 2012, which got her exposure in The Sun newspaper, which is further proof that the Hungarian is on track to become a comedy star.

The catwalk model and TV presenter: Michelle de Swarte
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Feisty, fierce, and feckin' beautiful! Unknown to me at the time when I first met Michelle at an East Meets Jest comedy gig in Covent Garden was that she was already carving out a TV career for herself, having presented The Fasion Show in 2008 alongside George Lamb and Abbey Clancy.

In 2011, she co-created and hosted E4’s satirical celeb roast Dirty Digest, and then presented for eight hours straight alongside Tom Deacon when the BBC filmed the UK’s first ever 24-hour panel show for Comic Relief entitled Panel People, hosted by David Walliams, and was streamed live around the world. More recently she has been working alongside Jake Humpheries on the BBC3 current affairs debate show Free Speech. This year Michelle made her debut at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

The Essex Girl: Hannah Deasy
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Okay, okay - before you say anything, I know you might be noticing something of a pattern here with the girls I am choosing, but I can assure you I am picking these girls based on my ears, rather than any of the other senses that might be going through your filthy minds! I saw Hannah perform open mic comedy lots of times, but perhaps the funniest was when I saw her take to the stage at The Railway after a pretty heavy drinking session, and she brought the house down. Granted, then I think she fell down flat on her face, but she got the job done first!

Perhaps her Bowled Over comedy CV describes her best: "Often seen clutching a pint in one hand and a mic in the other, this is when she is at her most dangerous, and should not be approached." Hannah has been busy working with comedy partner Michael Kossew, and has also taken a couple of shows to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, including Gagstronomic! with Mark Jeary and Gemma Beagley.

Golden Jester quarter final date announced

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #28
My quarter-final of the Golden Jester will take place on October 4 at the Holiday Inn in Sutton. There was also a slight mix-up with the scores on the night, and I actually came fourth overall with Sarah Callaghan third, and Raphael Perahia in second spot behind India MacLeod in top spot.

I was voted by the audience to have very good stage presence, and in my quarter final I will be going up against Sarah Archer, James Alderson, Darren Walsh, Vahid Jahangard, Palan Ns, James Loveridge, Hannah Deasy, James Gill, Sarah Callaghan, Ben Jay, Mark Jeary, Sophie Richardson, and Ean Luckhurst.

RIP Steven Scaffardi - the night I died on stage

Dead man joking: How my tombstone
might look after last nights horror show!

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #13
It was awful. No, it was beyond awful. Imagine the most awkward situation you have ever been in, multiply it by 10, and then sprinkle on top the feeling of having nowhere to hide, and then you might - just might - have an idea of what it feels like dying on stage.

You know that saying You wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy? Well, that is a stupid saying because you would wish this on your worst enemy!

The horrors of last night started at 7pm when I arrived far too early at The Railway. I grabbed myself a drink and sat down and waited. The promoter, Openmic Matt, said he would put me on towards the end seeing as I had opened for him a few times in the past.

So by the time I eventually got on at about 10pm, I was pretty pissed. I had not eaten anything all evening and instead filled myself up on pints of Stella. The audience were in a good mood having been entertained by some very funny acts already including Hannah Deasy, Tom Appleton, and Mr Blair.

Now it was my turn.

I staggered up to the stage, feeling pretty confident, and cracked my first joke - to complete silence. Immediately I panicked, and broke out into a cold sweat. My mind went blank and I just started blurting out the first thing that came to me.

Unfortunately it wasn't a joke. I found myself just waffling, and after about 30 seconds it hit me - I had absolutely no idea where I was going with this. I wasn't even telling joke!

There must have been about 20-30 people in the room, but at that moment it felt like I had a 1,000 pair of eyes on me, all wishing I would get the hell off the stage. So I did the only thing I could think of which was to be honest.

"I'm not too sure where I'm going with this," I told them, shifting awkwardly in one spot. They just stared at me, hatred in their eyes. I attempted to get back on track but by now everyone in that room just wanted me to finish up and get the hell off that stage - no one more so than me!

I shuffled back to me seat after what seemed like the longest five minutes of my life. I grabbed my bag and headed straight towards the exit. Openmic Matt saw me as I was leaving and tried to tell me my set was okay. I appreciated him trying, but I think we both knew I had just stunk the whole place out, so I fled as quickly as possible!

When I woke up this morning I still didn't feel that great, but I figure this is something every comedian has to go through, so I'll just put it down to experience. Plus I did learn a very valuable lesson - don't get pissed before going up on stage... unless your Dylan Moran of course, it seems to work for him!