Introducing Jack Chatham - the man with lad chat!

Jack Chatham is the effervescent, devil-may-care character from Steven Scaffardi's lad lit novel The Drought. Jack is a firm believer in chat-up lines and one-liners when it comes to pulling the girls, and it is often you will here him coming out with gems such as:

"Do you want to come back to mine for pizza and sex? No? Why not? Don't you like pizza?!"

Starting today, Jack will have his own column on this blog site, dedicated to his views and opinions on everything and anything that might be happening in the world. You can view them by clicking here. 

Jack also has his own way of talking to his friends; using a selection of words and phrases unique to him. He might talk with a cockney accent, but these phrases are spoken by Jack, and Jack only! Here is an example of what to expect...

stroke-er [strōk-er, strōk-er]
tr.v. stroked, strok·ing, strokesUse stroker in a sentence
–adjective,
1. Slang a wanker. He's a right stroker 2. to stroke as in the hand movement, but associated with the male genitalia. I stroked one out last night.

big gun [big guhn]
Use big gun in a sentence
1. Slang popular; like in a social hierarchy: Jack is the big gun 2. Informal A group of people who associate regularly on a social basis: The big guns were out in full force tonight

ab-so-lute [ab-suh-loot, ab-suh-loot]
Use absolute in a sentence
–adjective,
1. Slang Highly appealing or interesting; attractive: she is absolute. 2. excitingly appealing; glamorous: an absolute body.

chode [ch-ohd]
Use chode in a sentence
1. Slang a penis wider than it is long. Ollie has a chode

Vagtable Patch [vaj-tuh-buhl pach]
Use vagtable patch in a sentence
1. A very healthy, clean, delicious vagina comparable to vegetables, a common necessity needed to stay healthy. Always plough the vagtable patch!

Randy Van Warmer [ran-dee van wawrm-er]
Use Randy Van Warmer in a sentence
1. slang Play on words of the name of a 1980s American songwriter and guitarist, in this case to describe a condom. That baby ain’t mine – I was wearing a Randy Van Warmer!

Bro Favor [broh fey-vor]
Use bro favor in a sentence
1. Pronounced like the Spanish ‘por favor’, bro favor is an act of goodwill asked of one’s friend. I need a bit of help, could you do me a bro favor?

fugly [thuhg-uh-lee]
Use fugly in a sentence
1. Slang abbreviation for the phrase fucking ugly. Man, that girl is fugly!

splitarse [split-ahrs]
Use splitarse in a sentence
–adjective,
1. Slang A female. Derived from the fact that they possess a split and an arse. Come here you little splitarse!