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Monday, 2 July 2012
Jack's view on... The best moments of Euro 2012
And now it's all over, I don't mind admitting that the realisation that it is has come to an end made me shed a tear. No longer would my eyes be able to feast upon visions of such glory, of such perfection, and I find myself looking to the heaven's, looking for answers, and asking Why Lord, why must you punish me so?!
Euro 2012 was a tournament that gave us so much. A Spanish team that cemented their place in football folklore as the greatest team ever to have graced the hallowed green turf. A world-class performance from Cristiano Ronaldo that prompted him to change his hairstyle at half-time in every match he played in. A sulking goal celebrating style from Mario Balotelli that made us wonder if he was French instead of Italian. An England team that has given us hope for World Cup 2030 when hopefully the off-spring of the Golden Generation might be able to do what their dad's couldn't! And even a German team that didn't make it to the final!
But those little nuggets of gold don't even come close to what got me really excited about the competition!
Call me dramatic, call me emotional, call me extreme, but the fact is I am a man who stands by my passion, my beliefs! There are countless amounts of men across Europe right now who feel just like me. They too are going to miss that sensational tingle every time we turned on our TV screens and waited in baited breath in anticipation of the one thing we all wanted to really see...
The scanning of the crowd!
That's right suckers! I am talking about the monumental efforts from the Euro 2012 cameramen to pluck out some of the absolute little treacle's sitting in the crowd! In the words of Chris Kamara, some of the women on display in this tournament were unbelievable! The best moments for be at Euro 2012, were the girls of Euro 2012!
I'm normally the first bloke to moan about women watching football every time a European Championship or World Cup comes around. I hate the fact that for two years they moan about how much they hate the footy, and then suddenly you can't get them away from the big screen TV. Whether it's screaming at the top of their lungs every time England get a throw-in, or ruining in-depth football chat by trying to discuss which player has the best legs, I get proper annoyed whenever some splitarse starts harking on about her passion for the game all because she thinks David Beckham has got a nice arse. It does my nut in!
But this was completely different! And here is why...
The girls on display at Euro 2012 had made a bit of an effort. They had clearly been down the gym do some serious working out in order to fit those tight little bodies into replica shirts that were clearly two sizes two small for them! There were curves poking out all over the place!
It changed the whole dynamics of the tournament for me! I was gutted when Greece were knocked out. It meant I couldn't knock one out over that little Greek blonde sort they kept showing on the TV. She brought joy to millions of Greek people during a financial meltdown for crying out loud! I didn't mind Germany doing so well, and I was even keeping my fingers crossed that they would play England in the semi-final and embarrass us all over again like they did at the World Cup last year. And the reason why?
Because it would have meant I could have drooled all over over this fine specimen once again. I mean look at her. Look at her dammit! She is even carrying two pints in her hand. She is like the most amazing woman I have ever seen in my life. The men were watching footy and they sent her to get the beer. I almost fucking cried right there and then when I saw this image. It was beautiful.
It has changed the way I view football forever. I was happy enough to sit indoors during this competition, with my pants around my ankles, waiting for the Euro 2012 money shot to come along! And I didn't have to once explain the offside rule to anyone! It was frickin' awesome!
So make sure you remember this tournament for all the right reasons. It wasn't about the brilliance of Iniesta or the rugged determination of Roy Hodgson's Three Lions. It was all about the effort made by the female supporters. I salute you ladies!
Jack Chatham is a fictional character from Steven Scaffardi's comedy novel The Drought.