What a blast!

Diary of a stand-up comedian Entry #3

It is the morning after the night before and I am still buzzing! What a great night it turned out to be - and I was voted second best act behind my good friend Gemma Beagley.

Granted I had about 25 friends in the room and the winners are chosen based on audience reaction, but who cares?! I came second and won a little plastic Subbuteo trophy! And I couldn't have come runner-up to a better person. Gemma was brilliantly funny last night.

As for me, the night was aptly named Comedy Virgins for many reasons. The entire night felt exactly like a carbon copy of the emotions I experienced when I actually lost my virginity. I was excited at first, but slowly the enormity of the evening started to fester on my brain, and as the night went on, the more nervous I became.

The Cavendish Arms have a system whereby they call out random numbers to the crowd to choose from. Each number represents an act so you never know when you're going on. I sat through 20 acts before my number was finally called, but that didn't stop my stomach churning every time we went through the number calling process.

* I'd like to point out at this stage that this comparison is not directly related to when I lost my virginity. I wasn't sitting in a room with numbers being called out before I could have my go *

When the time came I took to the stage, slightly blurry-eyed from the alcohol I had consumed throughout the night, and did my thing. And you know what? I bloody loved every second of it!

Two weeks ago I decided to do the set about the night I actually did lose my virginity, because quite frankly, that was a joke in itself. Perhaps not the most original of material, but I had practiced (in front of a mirror with the door closed, holding a biro up as a makeshift mic), and felt it would be good enough for a first attempt.

I'll let you judge for yourself from this video clip. Unfortunately the camera stops before the final punch line! The punch line was: "The doctor told me that the Hayfever jab was a form on injection and because they inject into my bum, there is a good chance the chemicals will make its way to my groin area and render me impotent... The good news is I haven't sneezed in over a week!"