Jack's view on... Tulisa being named FHMs Sexiest Woman 2012!

Like most blokes, I get pretty excited when FHM release their Top 100 Sexiest Women supplement. After all, it brings back a lot of good memories for me. Back in the in the day, FHM was treated a bit like porn for cowards. If you weren't old enough (or tall enough) to reach for the top shelf, then you couldn't go too wrong with FHM. Especially 1996 winner Gillian Anderson. Hmmmm, Scully....

But I'm a little disappointed this year. Don't get me wrong, Tulisa is a good looking girl - you definitely would - but I feel the men in the UK are getting a little lazy. I mean, one sex tape where you deliver a pretty shoddy gob job does not warrant the title of sexiest woman! If that was the criteria, then Tina the barmaid at the Three Kings would take that crown - her technique is sloppy to say the least. Great rack though.

The really sad thing here is that only two of The Saturdays got into the top 100. That is a frickin' liberty in my eyes. So men of the UK, I call upon you to take a long hard look at yourselves. Your standards are dropping, and if we continue to send out the message that half-hearted blowsies get you awards, we'll end up seeing the women of this world stop putting in the effort. Don't let this happen - your penis needs you!

Jack Chatham is a fictional character from Steven Scaffardi's comedy novel The Drought.